She lived on....

She sits with her cup of strong coffee, unconsciously looks into transparent air, and imagines colors that once looked upon her as unregistered souls. Nights, went without a trace of translucent withered heart, aching for one second of that glimpse of joy. How? She thought, how could one lose that very tinge of comfort in a jiffy? Was she worthless, or was the time she used up going over each word said, each breath taken, the soft touch, every gesture, worthless? Her pondering would never end, silence was her arch enemy.

Her virgin lips were invaded by his strong masculinity. She feared her guts out, but her innocent, unconditional love blew her mind out of wits, dreamland was not too far, or was it...! She was touched, caressed, fondled with utmost care. He gently embraced her in his carefully exercised robust arms, she shivered at his very touch, being hugged in a way that she never imagined, she smiled to herself but warm salty tears rolled down her wheatish skin as she wondered if she had sinned. Never in her wildest dreams, had she thought of feeling something like... this, violently erupting volcano of hot lava plus a streak of ice cube running down the lining of her stomach. She had given him more than what she contained; her very being was donated to his call.

“hahahaha, you fool.... nooooooooo

Why is my head laughing, and my heart crying?

You know why.....! hahahaha”

Her mother sitting across the dinner table banged the plate when she saw her crescent shaped lips and watery eyes; her mind was filled with disoriented thoughts yet she adored him deeply. Was all this a game? Was it played to satisfy a physical being? Were all his words trick cards? Was it a chance taken on the dice rolled on craps? Her mind was blocked, her heart spoke, yet she was eaten away by the whimsical portray of love. She could listen and sang along every melancholic tune played, she screamed from within and wandered around searching for a note that hummed in the name affection, she found all that were antagonistic to her impatient shabby search. Her eyes that once twinkled when he smiled looked mutilated. Trust that she withheld in her tender heart was massacred and brutally stomped upon. His very thought brought anguish, but she couldn't stop her heart from wishing his soul all the happiness it deserved. She would only lament about her unfortunate heart, but never blame him for his ruthless conduct. He had murdered her from within, she watched herself in the mirror but only aimlessly combing her thick black hair. Torn skin, dried blood, scrapped off every coagulated lump, reach that amiable yet capricious organ, tear that apart and in the deepest lobe was where he rested.

“CUT THAT WRIST

SLIT THAT THROAT

GULP DOWN THOSE TABLETS

KILL THAT FUCKING WRETCHED WORM” 

Crouched legs, hands on the steel coffee cup, a corner, wondered if she was sitting way below ground almost burned alive. There were times when she skipped a heartbeat of content and presented an unquestionable smile, sitting in the same position. Today she had hit on the wrong side of the nail; she wanted to puke as she licked saline water mixed with coffee off her lips. Her nights were created only to absorb his very existence, which now had turned into worthless waking hours of doodling. Love, what she thought or felt, was like her every day chimera; it had to change, it had to go away, she couldn’t last another minute failing to answer every lost question.

She would love him till death or even after her body was turned into ashes and her soul lived on. Her love for him was immense and unmatched to any other feeling she experienced.  She would give away her immortalized ghost just to see him smile. Forgiveness did not exist for she never was furious with him. Yes, that’s how much she loved him! But then again, she would be true to her conscience and say “I told you thusly”, whilst her heart reflected only apathy. A mistake was looked upon, she studied and registered her moves, though she was all ashes from within, she promised herself to witness colors of joy hereon, and that’s how she walked away with dignity...!