You Were Never Mine...

Tables have been laid,

My perseverance cannot be withheld further.

Forks, knifes, spoons, cups and,

Platters smeared with forsaken sweat.

You can only wish to unsheltered hope,

For a melody to be heard,

only to be smothered by stealth again.

I tore open my unwilling chest,

Showered your being with aster,

You hold my arm,

Lead me to the depth of dismay.

While I walk the pavement,

Chasing every joyous unheard note.

Uncensored was my mind,

To you it was nothing but ersatz.

Sad? You should have,

Torn my withered skin you touched with lust,

Crushed my dried flesh,

Bent and burnt my brittle bones,

Scooped out the coagulated, ethereal lumps of blood,

Squeezed that wretched clown of hearts,

Claiming to roots,

Concealed in it, berserk love,

Then “sad”, wouldn’t seem more coarse,

Yet, a word search wouldn’t cater as much...!

I gave up my insanity,

To hear you say ‘I love you’,

With only mind abhor.?

*sigh*, only an expression,

After every emotion being over exploited.

Oh! How you tangled my unvarnished being,

A troll stands over me screaming “you were never mine”

Angelic Devil

She was an epitome of apathy,

Only if she knew the knack.

She shakes upon,

killing being a cardinal sin.

deep angelic incision,

pricks the veins, arteries, bones, flesh,

so deep, blood in its comedic tragedy,

thick yet so viciously viscous,

captivates her inborn innocence,

turns it into nomadic treachery.

She embarks upon her life after death,

Would be justified only if she sipped,

Poisoned potion off the urban glass.

Lack of insight,

Lack of brilliant ambiguous dreams,

She lies down,

Standing upon fear,

Like sheep upon lion.

Drowned in her REDness,

She slowly closes her dried eyes,

And gambles her watery lips into a crescent.

Only to be remembered as a lost soul.

Promise

Promise me, you’ll kill those devils,

that strangely, quietly strangle my breath.

Promise me, you’ll keep me warm,

When there’s haunting graveyard chills.

Promise me, you’ll pull me out,

From a swirling whirlpool of demented lunatics.

Promise me, you’ll stand by,

When I drop down and bleed of shame.

Promise me, you’ll rescue me,

From the deranged brains.

Promise me, you’ll hug me tight,

When I look away into the foggy bewildered world of darkness.

Promise me, you’ll kiss me tight,

When wander off into unimaginably materialized depth of fake.

Promise me, you’ll fight the imbecile,

who torments my existence.

Promise me, you’ll keep my faith,

When I ponder over flimsy dilemma.

Promise me, you’ll hold my hands,

When I run into bitter captivity.

Promise me, you’ll smile and not frown,

When I ramble upon pitfalls.

Promise me, you’ll walk with me,

Even if I stumble upon an eerie rock.

Promise me, you’ll retrieve my soul,

If I trade it with the devil.

Promise me, you’ll show me light,

When I fall into a labyrinth of chaos.

JUST Promise me, you’ll feel eternal love and care,

and I promise to ignore the other promises and dance with u, the glorious path of euphoria...

foolish endevor...

never did you care,

never did you want.

now I know,

all that I did and hoped for,

another massacre of freakish need.

like the willows,

I whoop to reach the ground.

like the massive tornado,

I destroy to reach ultimatum.

you just sit there and carry upon a treacherous smile,

and I scan only abhor.

ladle dipped in thick blood,

served with a soiled smirk,

how I wish to speak,

but, heart drowns in the overwhelming abyss of the ocean,

when it sees you twirling your eyeball with disgust.

and I thought you would UNDERSTAND.

She lived on....

She sits with her cup of strong coffee, unconsciously looks into transparent air, and imagines colors that once looked upon her as unregistered souls. Nights, went without a trace of translucent withered heart, aching for one second of that glimpse of joy. How? She thought, how could one lose that very tinge of comfort in a jiffy? Was she worthless, or was the time she used up going over each word said, each breath taken, the soft touch, every gesture, worthless? Her pondering would never end, silence was her arch enemy.

Her virgin lips were invaded by his strong masculinity. She feared her guts out, but her innocent, unconditional love blew her mind out of wits, dreamland was not too far, or was it...! She was touched, caressed, fondled with utmost care. He gently embraced her in his carefully exercised robust arms, she shivered at his very touch, being hugged in a way that she never imagined, she smiled to herself but warm salty tears rolled down her wheatish skin as she wondered if she had sinned. Never in her wildest dreams, had she thought of feeling something like... this, violently erupting volcano of hot lava plus a streak of ice cube running down the lining of her stomach. She had given him more than what she contained; her very being was donated to his call.

“hahahaha, you fool.... nooooooooo

Why is my head laughing, and my heart crying?

You know why.....! hahahaha”

Her mother sitting across the dinner table banged the plate when she saw her crescent shaped lips and watery eyes; her mind was filled with disoriented thoughts yet she adored him deeply. Was all this a game? Was it played to satisfy a physical being? Were all his words trick cards? Was it a chance taken on the dice rolled on craps? Her mind was blocked, her heart spoke, yet she was eaten away by the whimsical portray of love. She could listen and sang along every melancholic tune played, she screamed from within and wandered around searching for a note that hummed in the name affection, she found all that were antagonistic to her impatient shabby search. Her eyes that once twinkled when he smiled looked mutilated. Trust that she withheld in her tender heart was massacred and brutally stomped upon. His very thought brought anguish, but she couldn't stop her heart from wishing his soul all the happiness it deserved. She would only lament about her unfortunate heart, but never blame him for his ruthless conduct. He had murdered her from within, she watched herself in the mirror but only aimlessly combing her thick black hair. Torn skin, dried blood, scrapped off every coagulated lump, reach that amiable yet capricious organ, tear that apart and in the deepest lobe was where he rested.

“CUT THAT WRIST

SLIT THAT THROAT

GULP DOWN THOSE TABLETS

KILL THAT FUCKING WRETCHED WORM” 

Crouched legs, hands on the steel coffee cup, a corner, wondered if she was sitting way below ground almost burned alive. There were times when she skipped a heartbeat of content and presented an unquestionable smile, sitting in the same position. Today she had hit on the wrong side of the nail; she wanted to puke as she licked saline water mixed with coffee off her lips. Her nights were created only to absorb his very existence, which now had turned into worthless waking hours of doodling. Love, what she thought or felt, was like her every day chimera; it had to change, it had to go away, she couldn’t last another minute failing to answer every lost question.

She would love him till death or even after her body was turned into ashes and her soul lived on. Her love for him was immense and unmatched to any other feeling she experienced.  She would give away her immortalized ghost just to see him smile. Forgiveness did not exist for she never was furious with him. Yes, that’s how much she loved him! But then again, she would be true to her conscience and say “I told you thusly”, whilst her heart reflected only apathy. A mistake was looked upon, she studied and registered her moves, though she was all ashes from within, she promised herself to witness colors of joy hereon, and that’s how she walked away with dignity...!

28 years later... and that's how you 'de ghumake'

Today was the day I started off with inviting my loved ones home to share that some-how Déjà vu 'ed moment of India bagging THE TITLE. Yes, I almost cried and lost hope when Sewag was sent off the field, and when I heard that Sachin didn’t make his 100th 100. 97, and Ghambir was struck out of the crease, my heart just sunk. Dhoni at 91 stood tall and mastered every walk and every strategy showcased on that field today. One hell of a captain, salute to his every move.

2003, sitting with my granddad, watched and learned every hit, every ball played, through his eyes. That’s how I was introduced to the world of cricket. OH.. How I remember him saying "Next time guys, I’m sure u'll do it"... N today I miss his very presence. I just think, he's rejoicing his mug of beer with his fellow angels up above.

Riding back home, roads filled with tri color glory, small little toddlers to uncles and aunties, every INDIAN in the basking light of the WIN screaming "INDIA!!! JAI HIND!!!" craves you to be a part of every deep breath taken, and exhaled in the highest pitched voice ever, and lift your hand up towards the foggy sky...! Also needless to say, INDIA has just one religion and that’s CRICKET. Yes there is no looking back, yes we are ONE, yes we are invincible, and yes we are the freaks who claim to have blue blood... WAT THE HELL.... We are INDIANS and HELL YEAH... from our veins to our deepest arteries we BLEED BLUE...!!!!!