Kalmane Diaries

Strong coffee, chitter chatter, uncomfortable couples, singles hoping to find their one, make ups, break ups, laughter, crying, fights, sugar fights, Kannada songs playing in the background and sometimes the love struck R&B (weird but,worth a laugh each time it plays)... the place couldn’t get more diverse.

“hey Kalmane” – Friend 1

“sure le, in 30” – Me

Enter the place....

“4 blue grass, please”

Set our asses in a corner and fight for a back support (yup we r 22year OLD so called youngsters) 

The journey of uncontrollable laughter begins or its a one man army on the battle field of entertainment if my “couple friends” are in a mood to strike against each other.

This write up would be incomplete without mentioning my lovely dumbhead friends. I shall hold on to their REAL names and go on to introduce them thusly....

Kalbande – A guy who is so strong that if a rock is thrown at him in order to injure him, the rock might shatter into thousands of pieces.

Blackie – My bestie, who thinks I m a racist n here I proved her right.

Kiddo – Just a random kid, who i might adopt if I become a millionaire.

“hey hey, look... Kalbande’s girl entered”, said kiddo looking at this girl who’s around the place most of the time. Why mention her...? She sometimes is the topic of our conversations, while we joblessly sip on our coffee. Why..? well to be very subtle and nice to the human kind, she looks odd and might appeal to Kalbande. Not just appeal, but compliment him given to his huge, strong stature, if u know what I mean... she is a complex to “ the big show”(of the old WWE series).

I say, “Oye Kalbande, super pair maga, try madle, i’ll go talk?”. *thap* “OUCH, @$#@%#@^#” a huge sound, scream, rubbing, n alot of swear words, is what happens if Kalbande touches, imagine if he HITS or PINCHES or PUNCHES. Thus, such comments are kept to a minimum and said only when I am 1km away from him. What does Blackie do while all of this is happening... well plays around with her “billionth” phone or just laughs or says “eh Kalbande, don’t hit her, she whines, not music to our ears” and yes I do whine... It HURTS Blackie, aren’t u my Bestie?!

Alcohol... one of Blackie’s and Kalbande’s favourite topics. Both Drunkards, fight if either one have not been invited to drink while the other is getting sloshed. At such conversations, I GET LOST.... and brought back to reality by Kalbande’s “touch”. Kiddo, doesn’t care, he tried his hand at drinking and loves beer and bloody does not get sloshed even if he gulps down whiskey.!

The couple fight is FUN...only when I am not asked... “Did you hear that? What I said was true or what he said”. Yeah right, why would I listen to your conversation? I would only hope for a physical tap out by either of you. I have my coffee.. where is my popcorn? (Oh yeah.. I shall be ganged up the moment they read this... all in the light spirit guys.... love u both)

We also use our precious coffee sipping time to enlighten Kalbande on “how to talk to a girl” or “how to recognize a girl who is interested in you”. We go to an extent of texting a girl he likes and ask her out for him and he does not even care. Kiddo gives him his gyan (qualifies him coz he has had a hoard of girl friends). Sometimes I feel Kalbande swings the other way. He claims to have only two girls as friends, one Blackie and the other me. He has been a state football player, a mechie (a Mechanical Engineer), a strong looking, talk dark handsome guy, but bloody can’t go and talk to a girl and also has the ass to say “ae who will take interest in me, look at me, girls will run away”. Blackie and I repeat the above mentioned traits again and again but nothing gets into his thick haired scalp and brain. This paragraph is for all the girls looking for a great guy who is a “One woman man” kinds, little rough on the outside but a darling at heart. (Ass, see I turned my blog into a matrimony site for you. You better owe me a good lunch or dinner)

Our conversations can start from what colour is that guy’s shoe to what guitar do you want to buy to hey why are you sad to “shady female” to why is the sky blue to what does the future hold for you to why is the coffee burnt to throwing sugar onto Kalbande’s curly hair and cleaning that might take over a fortnight. Using weird phrases like “magne beda, hodskolthiya”, “thu ninajji”, “sick ass”, “sexy”, “look look”, “such an ass”, ”bleady”, “i’ll throw you outta that window”, “I know them, I know them, thu you don’t. No gossip”, “is that guy carrying his girl friend’s bag :D”, “why does he come here every day”, “they are touching each other, look look... free low end porno”, “she must be blasting him, he is almost crying.. papa they are breaking up” etc etc.

These are some of the meets I long for. A `25 coffee and most of all the laughs I encounter with these bleady assholes at the end of a tiring day are priceless. They humiliate you, curse you, embarrass you, hit you till you turn blue, talk shit, threaten to kill you, irritate you, scream at you, strangle you with boredom, makes you want to get lost in other thoughts while they discuss something uninteresting (how to get rid of lower back pain? Really?!), but all in all... I LOVE them. I m NOT going leave them even after I die.. Blackie and Kiddo, this is for u – I shall take all the revenge when I turn into a ghost and make you scream “fuck you” MUHAHAHAHAHA..! 

(more to come... just the beginning)

That's She!!! That's Her!!!

Something that I read on one of the social networks...! Goes to all my lady friends, no matter how much of a tom boy we portray ourselves to be, there's this small little part of our heart that yearns for true love..! read on and enjoy....

When she is quiet, millions of things are going on in her mind

When she is not arguing, she is thinking deeply

When she looks at you with eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you'll be around

When she answers 'I am Fine' after a few second, She is not at all fine

When she stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying

When she rests her head on your chest, she is wishing to be yours forever

When she wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered

When she says 'I Love you', she means it

When she says " I miss you', no one in this world can miss you more than that

Life only comes around once, Make sure you spend it with a sense of true love

Find someone who calls you beautiful and not HOT, who calls you back when you hang up, who will stay awake just to watch you fall asleep, who will kiss you on the forehead...who will hold your hand in front of friends, who constantly says and shows how much he cares and says how lucky he is to be with you, who turns to friends and says that's her..

Hmmmphh..!

Empty spaces intrigue me. I swoosh my hand in thin air expecting to feel something hard to justify a being. I stare into nothing at all and still my mind runs at a speed of 100kbps..! Like the neuro transmitters never stop sending  messages to the dendrites, like millions of sperms waiting to break the wall of an ova, like thousands of ants waiting to find a small little piece of sugar, like a puppy waiting to be called off its "stay" directions. Randomness of these thoughts can vary from a little life instance or just a mere existence.

I have been dragged into social gatherings and forced into such uncomfortable clothes. Out of the 5 people who come and say "hello, Netra how are you?" I am literally saying "Who are you?" to four of them and the fifth one I vaguely remember form another uncomfortable gathering. "U have grown so much : O"... isn’t it obvious, can anyone grow less? Is it biologically possible? At a wedding, "Next you’re in the line huh..." "Yeah... Why, are u bored of your married life that you want to put your nose into mine and gossip.. Or you have a son who can take my shit? Bring it on". This might suggest that I m socially awkward, but no. It’s the situation I am dragged into or forced to say things when I have better things to take care in my life.

I love the colors that a rainbow brings with it. Appears only when it’s cloudy and sunny at once. Marvel..! A metaphor to what a human can be at times. Cloudy is usually a sign of melancholy and sun a sign of happiness. Nature can put the two to together and bring out seven colors of joy. I have recently learned that I can totally love even a glimpse of sadness hitting me hard and turn it into a 1000watt smile. A huge achievement? Would beg to differ. Just the walks I take and look at all those God willing things taking place every second, gives me a new life, a new being, a new meaning.

Empty spaces are exactly what a person perceives them to be. Staring at an empty wall and imagine it to be filled with pictures from the past, look into empty thin air and imagine it to be filled with colorful balloons, an empty playground can be filled with loads of kids jumping around, empty glass can be filled with cool water, something brown can be a yummy chocolate, a small black fur ball can be a cute little puppy. Let your imagination fly hard into all the empty spaces you experience in life, fill your life with colors.!