Whims and fancies of a traffic jam...

I always end up starting late, especially if my destination is real far.! History repeated itself today. Diwali in its glory had taken a toll on everyone’s purses and the maleshwaram street was filled with children, mother’s shouting at their children, husbands waiting anxiously (not letting their anger and irritation get in the way >> after all they are entitled to fill their tummies with sweets ;)).

Well, amidst all the commotion, excitement, happiness, confusion, I slither in my activa. Dodging huge elephant size busses, accelerating not more than 20kmph, witnessed some of the most amusing things ever. Things that happen every day, things we over look. It never seemed this interesting. Thanks to the “diwali traffic” I caught some awesome views.

Three kinds of everyday life people were spotted and examined.

First kind:

I know why children whine while mothers shop, why men act disinterested, why women tend to shop more than their purses can handle, why shop owners act over smart in order to earn a rupee or two. Children seek mother’s attention, mothers seek husband’s attention and wallet, bachelors seek a teenager’s attention, and shop owners target everyone with bulging pockets, and it circles around. Life of a shop owner is no less, his wife constantly checks on him, and her child cries for her.

Second kind:

Old bachelors, old spinsters. Highly stylish, straight back, walks like majesty never existed, looks down at people like they never exist. Bitchy, thinks highly of status, touches things only when examined by their subordinate; hides’ grief, loath, pride behind those expensive ray-ban shades. I wonder, why “such” people walk along the noisy sidewalk of maleshwaram, then it hits me... I over hear one lady conversing with another lady from the first kind. They gossip over how a family life is different from a single life. Each shared experiences, and envied each other. At the end of the day, they realised that their patch of land was not well nourished.

Third kind:

Walk, sleep, talk, eat, socialize, earn on God-made earth, beneath God-made blanket, and man-made pavement cum poverty. We look, pity, throw in some change and walkaway. They cherish the “thrown” change, feed the little ones and fill their tummies if scraps remain. One idli shared by three, one packet of sambar shared by five, every child happy with the “pity cracker” he or she received, yet contented, no pretence, no gossips, none making excuses about life, each morsel eaten like it was a blessing, smiles, love, “woledagli, diwali ya shubhashaya galu” said to every “coin throwing” person.

Oh the hypocrisy we live in..!!!! The 15minute traffic jam through 1^st to 8^th cross was one turning point I was looking for. The fun and frolic we flaunt is nothing when compared to the fun and frolic the third kind have. Instead of nurturing, feeding, re planting our own livestock, we tend to run in like cows to our neighbour’s.  Not preaching here, I realized the difference between the kinds, and the whimsical ways in which the society works. Some extremely fortunate people are blessed with family, someone to get back home to, someone to love them, someone to look up to, someone to keep them secure, warm and ward off evil.  Recognise the goodness and happiness is showered from all directions..!

Simple?

"Love is care, Care is love" words of a 6year old lingering in my head! Realised how much a person is lost in the thought of his own well being that a simple feeling like love is lost in thin air. Amazed by how much a 6yr old can express by just connecting 2 words "care" n "love". With us grown ups, such words can get so complicated n back fire our own being. How much difference can age make? Or experience? Experience does give us a license to talk huge, intense stuff. What we over look is those simple things we experience everyday. Kids have just entered this world and what they say holds much more content than what we yap..! Nothing in this world can be complicated unless we see it that way! Its as simple as giving a little detail to what you do every second.

Thoughts out of the blue!

There's this time in life when ur perfectly flowing thoughts r wavered, life takes a huge leap, things u actually think n plan n dream never come to life. Or even if they do, they fade away in a jiffy. The fading away is never taken in the right spirit, u get extremely involved n get used to it even if its for the moment.The thought of it fading away never strikes you.! Only when the cold wind hits u in the face during one of those walks, that u realise u've LOST it. It somehow never gets the better side of u. U think n think n think more, but never get to the end point. The "search" is an on going process. Once u start searching, you start to expect the unexpected. U know its not going to happen deep within u, but u want to continue doing it what so ever. Can thoughts be stopped for a while, n let the mind drop into reality?! This to me seems like a little child, hopping, singing, running down slides, swinging the swings.. looks around to show its mother its best trick on the slide, n finds that she's not around. The play was a fantasy when its dropped into reality its as lost as us. Its just matter of time that we get out of the fantasy world n jump into reality. This obviously sounds theoretical, n yes it is absolutely difficult to get into such a state of mind.! This brings my thoughts back to "search".... Does searching help ? well, this is how far I've come... gathering my thoughts, sights, dreams, introspecting..... NOPE "SEARCHING" does not help..! Sometimes u also have these preconceived notions about whats going to happen in future. In my case those aren't preconceived at all.! Well I've got no way to end my weird flow of thoughts. Life can be refered to epiphany, it does give u that jolt or a kick of reality when the fantasy goes over board.!

I like the feeling of like..!

I like the feeling of like...!

Me : Hey, I've gotton along with this amazing person. He's an awesome friend.

BFF : OH! like the one i had few months ago?

Me : nah..! My story is gonna be a little different.

I text n text n talk n talk every waking hour, everyday, day n night, when i m not at home, when i m at home, every break, every meal, till the sec i dooze off unconciously. No no, this is not love, not at this stage atleast. Even before i realized n got a hold of the stituation i was contradicting myself. We had lived years together in a matter of 45days. By the time our eyes wide opened to the reality, we were living a lifetime in that reality, building castles. It just seemed perfect!

Practical or emotional.... was the question. Mind n heart tend to colide when decissions like these have to be made n u see no other way. Being transparent was the only way out. Practically this seemed right, emotionally it didnt. Was it right? Was it wrong? or Were we acting too fast? Confusion didnt seem to give way to clear thinking! It was like I was in need of a specs with a minus power, like the fog clogging the path even on a sunny day, like the darkest night ever wasnt going to end, like fitting into an under sized footwear, like an over dumped closet with all the unwanted clothes. I was in a closed box, suffocating n struggling to find the door which seemed to be absent. We went over the subject over and over again, I agreed to the made "deal" though not with my heart but for his sake. N then when it got foggier, I thought of a thought, that would make this easy. Being the best of friends wouldnt hurt, would it? N by best I dont mean the cliche "best friends". My version was different (how? even I cant explain that!) I wanted to get used to the fact. I wanted to defy everything that was against my confidence. I would reduce things slowly, yes... but serving the purpose of not feeling odd around each other could be achieved.

The thought of getting over those days was scary. My mind was a lost desert, deprived of oasis, wandered along those beautiful streets we had spent time on. Leaving all that behind and moving on, keeping in mind "the deal" never kick started my journey, I was still hung up on the past. "Take your time" was all he said. But the time seemed to errupt the devilish thoughts, that were hybernating. I tried to contain everything and maintain that pressure but there was no going back, no amount of lullabys seemed to rock them back to sleep. Was I getting emotional? Darn, Yes I was! Was it the right thing to do? I dont know, it seemed right! This went on for days. I was fed up, and I mean literally fed up! The thought of loosing him......

Finally, I was being unresonable, this wasnt the way I wanted it to turn out! I put both my feet down..! Wat he thought of, was practical and totally right. I was in the "deal" for real! But does this mean I have to get over n give up all that I had put into this? ( n trust me..I had put in my heart n soul, n I actually realized it when I "had" to get over it n give it up.!) NO! Y should I give it all up? What I had done had given me imense happiness, what I learned, what I expressed, what I felt, what I did, n where I was was out of this world! Dont get me wrong, I still am in the "deal". But I dont want to give up on any of the feelings I went through, these 45days. It would just make me feel horrible, n let my mind wander away. If just that glimsp or just the thought of that moment made me happy, y get over it? Take in and absorb all the good elements and get so used to it that u dont want to get out of it..! I said "good"! N theres no doubt i mean not even one bit of confusion that those moments would make me smile! The joy i m gonna feel n live, cannot be expressed! So, here I go... I dont see hopelessness here. I m not gonna make myself misserable by trying to do the impossible! This obviously will stop any kind of "devil" form errupting, n the "deal" can be acheived..! Its just a win win situation! N being awesome friends will do wonders too and I dont have to give up anything! I like the feeling of like....!!!!!    

WHY?

Why cant joy and sorrow be defined?

Why does it seem very dark even on a bright sunny day?

Why does the moon look over me n seem to scrutinize every inch of my thoughts?

Why does the truth "sun rises after every dark night" seem to be a lie?

Why do expectations exceed ones ability?

Why something as pure as nature contain destruction at every step of warmth it spreads?

Why does external beauty of one mortal capture the internal beauty of another?

Why does a small hug contain within it such great powers?

Why are the best things in life hard to keep?

Why do we judge a person at the 1st look and let those thoughts privail over our true feelings?

Why are colors black and Grey considered as a mark of sorrow when they bring joy into my life?

Why is it difficult to accept the truth?

Why is it easy to celebrate a lie?

Why isn't simplicity simple?

Why does pessimism feel right?

Why is the easy route considered wrong?

Why is ones respect misunderstood as pretense?

Why should there be a "break up" after every "best times of love"?

Why is complicated easy when the word itself suggests difficulty?

Why is engrossed in ones thoughts a sin?

Why is gossip the best way to find contentment?

Why is expressing ones thoughts in opposition with another considered as stubbornness?

Why is "hate" the easy way "out of love"?

Why does solitude bring with it extreme happiness?

Why does the word "politics" express negativity?

Why does confusion contain clarity?

....... Why is the "WHY" bothering me, when its just who I am that matters!?!